Drowning in a sea of guilt

Funny thing about life
is that it’s full of maybes.

Maybe if I was more concerned about showing you my love
rather than blowing up at you when I was annoyed,
Maybe if I made sure you weren’t lonely
instead of cooping myself up in my room,
Maybe if I took the disease, the disease in your brain
more seriously,

Maybe if I focused on your needs
more than mine,
Maybe if I wasn’t
selfish,

Maybe
you would still be here
and not perpetually staring at the stars
masked only by layers of dirt.

Another funny thing about life
you could forever talk about maybes
but what exists
is only what happened.

Guilt surrounds
and envelopes me.
I’m drowning
And even though I know I can,
I can’t seem to swim.

I have never empathized so much with a brain before
The brain that decided
enough was enough
and committed suicide.

Maddening

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